Our classic tranquilizer for those extra trying days. Proven safe and effective. When those little things work you up, we’ll calm you down.
Picks up where other laxatives leave off. Mungo-Lax is the industrial strength alternative for senior citizens and others who need that extra push.
Takes the fatigue out of those long monotonous drives or all-night study sessions. Makes those slow days go just a little faster.
Weight loss without the wait. Takes those pounds off nature’s way – by removing your appetite while keeping you energetic and alert. (Also available as a suppository.)
The only truly non-addictive opioid on the market. All the kick with none of the hassle.
Our newest muscle relaxant. Non-addictive, relaxing, a treat for every muscle in your body.
Extra deep sleep extra fast. Take one at bed time, sleep twelve hours and wake up refreshed.
“Now, I can take both muscle relaxants and tranquilizers and still drive in Arizona.”
Jack Bharr
Pensioner
"Aplude relaxed muscles I didn't even know I had! I've given some to all my friends."
Jessica Brownstone
Teacher
The expression “sex, drugs and rock and roll” has taken on a whole new meaning. That’s why Mungo-Lax laxatives will be a major sponsor of the up-coming Kidney Stones world tour. The sex and the rock 'n roll are still there and as great as ever, but the drugs have changed. In the 60’s, the drugs helped fans trying to find a new reality. Today, the drugs help fans to find their way to the bathroom.
When asked if they use the drug themselves, two of the members of the group answered, “Shit, yeah.”
Arsta Downs has long had a policy of helping the third world. The most recent example is an order to India where the company will sell over 50 million doses of our most popular drugs to the Ferengay Free Clinics in India at a 50% discount. The drugs have passed the “use before” date, but are still highly effective.
Industrial countries’ drug authorities guidelines for validity are, as a rule, well beyond reasonable boundaries for safety and effectiveness. There is always a large margin between the printed last use date and the actual date. It is this margin that we are so generously offering at a discount to the poor of India.
How you can help.
If you have expired meds, don´t throw them away. Drop them off at any of our offices listed below.
In response to a recent government report, Arsta Downs will take mega-popular muscle relaxant Luderon off the market effective December 31st.
According to the report, the medication has achieved “near legendary” status as a party drug and that only a small percentage of the 90 million packages sold every year is being used for medical purposes.
“We had no idea,” says Arsta Downs CEO, John Upton, “that these muscle relaxants were being used for anything other than...well, relaxing ...er...muscles."
Surprisingly, our own research mostly confirmed the results of the government study. We were appalled and did the only right thing: we took the drug off the market as quickly as possible. It was the only responsible thing to do.
But, we also have a responsibility to our consumers so we´ve replaced Luderon with Aplude, a new safer and softer generation of muscle relaxant.
Ask your doctor for it! (Or your doctor's friend.)
+555 555 55 55
(Our operators in Kazakhstan are standing by...)
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